The Day Everything Changed.

It was one evening of June.

It was raining heavily. We were returning from Chennai to Mumbai.

My whole family couldn’t understand what was happening to me. As a matter of fact, even I didn’t.

Cut to 10 days prior. I had stopped communicating. I was mighty scared that someone is going to harm me. I was in 12th Grade at the time. A CA aspirant. Mighty expectations from me. And why not?? I had stood 3rd in my college in 11th Grade. Those who know about college experiences will relate to this. But I was not happy. I had become pale, devoid of colour.

You may want to know the reason. But fact was that the reason was unknown to all and sundry, including me. No one would have ever thought of such a thing, that such a situation would arise.

Back to the rainy evening.

As we landed, I realised that its something big. I had completely stopped talking, much to the nightmare of the people around me. My parents and my sister couldn’t see me this way. It was 9 in the night and we were going back home in the car. My grandparents were with us too.

I wanted to go home. We did go home. But on reaching home, my parents took me to our family doctor’s clinic. Imagine. It was a Sunday evening and still the doctor opened his clinic to see me. I was confused. He asked me a few questions to which I didn’t respond at all. Then, it was all clear. He advised my parents to take me to a Psychiatrist…. So then my parents took an urgent appointment for the following day and intended to take me.

I still remember. It was the 13th of June, 2011. It was the first day of college for 12th Grade. I was yearning to go to college. Instead, I went to see the Psychiatrist.

The whole atmosphere around me was tense. My family was inconsolable. I was not muttering a word. This doctor also asked me a few questions. To which, again, I didn’t answer. All that came out of my mouth was one word. The act for which one can be put behind bars. No one has the power to come into this world on their own, neither can they take their own lives. It seemed as though the whole world has come crashing down. It just looked as though life had come to a standstill.

SUICIDE.

Hearing this, the doctor said that the situation looks very bleak at the moment. The path needs to be treaded on very carefully.

I remember the Station Master’s dialogue in the movie Jab We Met, in this context (although, in the movie, the context in which the dialogue was said was completely different).

Zindagi rail ke pathri ki tarah hoti hai. Ek inch ka bend aur meelon ki doori.

And that’s when I realised that this is going to be a long battle. A lifelong battle, maybe.

P.S.: I’m a mental health survivor and am only sharing my experiences with a view to create awareness about mental health. Please don’t take this amiss. I hope to make this world a better place to be in with my views and experiences. If all goes well, I’ll continue sharing my experiences with all of you through my blog. Thanks.