So yes! Hello to all you wonderful people! I hope you are doing great and are excelling in whatever you may have set out to do!
Today’s blog post heading might have made you sit up in your chairs, I believe.
So without any further ado, let me begin.
In my previous post, I shared my ordeal which I was going through, for the past few months. That was exactly from September 2022 up to January 2023.
But what about the months before and after? What was going on inside me particularly before and after my wedding?
My parents started looking for alliances for me way back in 2019. Many alliances came up to the point of my parents going and visiting the prospective groom’s house, meeting him and his family, or just talking on the phone or sometimes me meeting the prospective groom in a cafe or restaurant.
All these times, it was either me or my parents conveying to them about my health issues or about my father having a terminal ailment. Whenever these bare facts of our lives were disclosed, it was either the opposite party terminating the alliance saying “GOOD LUCK TO YOUR DAUGHTER” or “BEST WISHES TO YOUR DAUGHTER, WISHING HER ALL THE SUCCESS IN LIFE,” or them not reverting to us with any response, which clearly meant a “NO.”
Now tell me, what would the mindset of my parents be like?
Wouldn’t they be shattered, displeased, full of anxiety and worry as to when they’ll be seeing me settled in life?
Okay, that’s one part. Now coming to me, the protagonist in the tale. What would be my mindset? My mindset much before my husband’s alliance came, all about till a year before my wedding I mean, is what forms the basis of the the topic, FAMILY LIFE – BEFORE MARRIAGE.
I had health issues, for which I was being treated, and my father had cancer, lung cancer.
My mother had to divert her attention from me and my sister towards my ailing father (yes, he had become handicapped a year before my wedding), much to the discontentment of me and my sister. We failed to understand the gravity of the situation, even though my father was hospitalized twice in the year preceding my engagement.
There were a lot of issues.
My health was not hopeful, I was entirely depressed seeing my counterparts post photos of them getting engaged or married. Social media was rife with such posts.
I had lost all hope.
Let me tell you why and how.
When my parents started looking for me, alliances didn’t pour in, but to whomsoever we contacted, we firmly and truthfully disclosed the bare facts of the health issues prevailing in my family. In every alliance that we approached, the horoscopes did match, the boy’s side would demand that, but when the health issues were being brought to the table threadbare, they would politely wish us luck and excuse themselves.
That was the time I started feeling lonely, I wanted to get married desperately, a feeling which I myself was unaware of, at that time. I started behaving rebelliously, I had lost interest in matters of life and was just doing my duties as a daughter and an employee sincerely. I furthered myself in my career and strived constantly to better my performance. But still, the fact that all around me, people were getting hitched, was hitting my nerves hard. I stopped medication and started going into a daze. But somehow my parents found out and pulled me out of that hell hole.
I became alright, I curated a collection of poetry and stories, published it and also attended open mics in Bangalore and Chennai. But just after my return from Chennai, my father got severe epileptic attacks, was hospitalized and we thought we’d lose him. But by God’s grace, he bounced back and started working from home.
We saw a lot of clashes and turmoil within family at this time and each one of us were affected in our own ways and had our mechanisms to cope with the situation.
These were tough times. But I need to say here that my entire extended family and all of my parents’ friends stood in unison and proved their solidarity to us by offering all means of support in ways they could.
So this proved to all the onlookers, without us having to prove ourselves, “UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL.”
Then, out of nowhere, my husband’s alliance came for me, and it was all decided in the matter of a week, and we got engaged in November 2022 and got married in January 2023.
The wedding was set to take place on 23rd January 2023, but in the beginning of January 2023, my father’s health deteriorated drastically and he preponed the wedding to 18th January 2023. But as they say, time and tide waits for no man, neither did it wait for us.
My father went into a comatose state on 15th January 2023 and had to be hospitalized. Doctors had held their hands up but my mother was firm that the wedding should happen on the appointed date and time. My sister facilitated it and the wedding took place successfully, on 18th January 2023. My mother did my “KANYADAANAM” (as my father was still alive) as opposed to popular beliefs that only the father of the bride can perform this.
My father’s wish was fulfilled. It was his last wish. He passed away on 23rd January 2023.
The whole wedding was one of a kind. The happenings of January 2023, be it my wedding or my father’s passing, are much talked about, even to this day.
Now coming to FAMILY LIFE – AFTER MARRIAGE.
My husband and his family, which now I am a part of, too, are so loving, caring and affectionate. They are so understanding in everything. They gave me time and space to recover from my loss, and stood by us throughout the ordeal we faced in January 2023.
And mind you, the family that I have come into, doesn’t make me feel like an outsider at all. I have blended well into the family and have no qualms with them. I share a special bond with each one of them, be it my husband, my mother-in-law or my sister-in-law. I want this to continue till eternity.
There are a few ups and downs, yes.
But what is life without its share of challenges?
After all, all roses come with its thorns and we have to pluck out the roses without letting the thorns affect us deeply.
That is the sum and substance of life in itself.
And I’m glad I got this life, I chose to live this life and I want to share my joys with both my families in totality and in sheer equality.