What’s in a Name?

I hope my previous post didn’t scare you all. But the story needs to be told.

What’s in a name? Is it necessary to give names to all things / situations around us?

Till a year ago, I was also hankering after naming my ailment. But the Doctor never gave it one. Maybe, he thought that naming it would only lead to me not accepting myself. Let alone others accepting me (that is another whole area which I would cover later). So, in my constant and repeated quest for an answer as to what is my condition, I lost out on the simple pleasures of life. The small gestures that spread joy.

Now I know why he didn’t.

If you give it a name, the anxiety in the person going through this internal trauma would only increase to great heights. And believe me, that’s what happened despite no names being given to my ailment.

Every two years, the symptoms would change. The condition would take a different turn. I was always in self doubt mode. Would I ever be able to achieve what I want? I still ask. Sometimes, I have felt like wanting to break things around me, my hands would shiver. I had what I call “heavy feelings” through and through. I would feel like people around me want to pounce and destroy my equilibrium.

Actually, it was not “people” but my mind was playing games inside my little head. These sensations would drive me insane. There have been days when I would want all this to just end. But what remained constant is my sanity. Never have I thought of taking my life.

I would admit wholeheartedly here, that there had been days when I have felt too low, as if what is the point going through all this mental torture, seeking answers to questions like, “Why is this happening to me only?, Why me?, Couldn’t I have a normal life just like all others in general?”

But again, it is relative. All these are general questions. I am sure that each and every one of us would have asked these questions to ourselves or to the people around us at a given point of time in our lives. Does this mean that all of us have ailments? The questions are not particularly related to mental ailments, but are questions asked for even the simplest of ailments.

To this, I remember that my mother always tells me that I don’t realise how strong I am. There have been days when I would refute this claim. Not wanting to believe it. At every turn, I would feel that this is not for me. I can’t do this. It is above my level. But I have come a long way. People succumb to all this internal pressure. But here I am. Alive and kicking.

Now after all these years, I don’t want to name my ailment. Come on. Every person gets stressful for something or the other. Anxiety and panic attacks are common. The level of severity of these things depends on how one copes with it. Help is needed only if you aren’t able to ride through this. Sometimes, you yourself come up with the solution. At other times, you should acknowledge the fact that you need help.

So yeah, What’s in a Name?

P.S.: I’m a mental health survivor and am only sharing my experiences with a view to create awareness about mental health. Please don’t take this amiss. I hope to make this world a better place to be in with my views and experiences. If all goes well, I’ll continue sharing my experiences with all of you through my blog. Thanks.